Posted by binsar on 04 Dec 2007 at 04:56 pm | Tagged as: About Me, Experience, Reflection
There is little chance that you will find a Batak (a tribe in North Sumatera, Indonesia – me too) anywhere in the world, partying and hanging around with friends during new year’s eve. I can hardly remember when was the last time I have fun with friends during new year’s eve. Probably never.
We have an unwritten tradition, for every Christian Batak, to gather with family during the change of the year. Gathering with family does not mean your own nuclear family, this means gathering with your extended family. We will have a small prayer and reading the bible together exactly at the 00.00 o’clock. During the small prayer, we will have a chance to say something – some words – could be words of appreciation of what had happened or apologizing for the things that went wrong during the previous year. All of the family members usually have their turns to say what they want to say. Then we will, in turn, apologize each other for what had happened the previous year. The idea is to start the new year with a fresh heart and a prayer. Then afterwards we will commit the first sin of the year, drinking and poker gambling hahaha…. (just kidding).
Continue reading »
Posted by binsar on 04 Dec 2007 at 10:09 am | Tagged as: Article, Christianity, Reflection
Tulisan berikut ini saya dedikasikan untuk seorang teman yang sedang bergumul dengan vonis dokter terhadap ayahnya. Dokter mengatakan bahwa usia ayahnya tinggal enam bulan lagi karena sakit berat yang dideritanya. Keluarga sedang mempersiapkan diri untuk menyampaikan berita ini kepada sang ayah. Hal ini menjadi pergumulan doa dan pikiran saya, dan karena itu mungkin saya bisa sedikit memberi dorongan moral melalui tulisan saya ini.
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross menulis sebuah buku berjudul “On Death and Dying” (sudah diterjemahkan oleh Gramedia) – sebuah tulisan yang mempelajari reaksi orang-orang yang menghadapi tahap-tahap terakhir dalam hidup mereka. Studinya ini diambil dari penelitian atas 200 orang pasien yang terminally ill. Lima tahap ini, sejak itu, telah menjadi tolok ukur pertolongan yang akan diberikan bagi mereka yang melalui masalah serupa.
Continue reading »
Posted by binsar on 22 Jun 2007 at 03:56 am | Tagged as: Experience, Reflection
I just got back from Lampung yesterday to give my last condolence and respect to a congregation member who passed away last saturday. The 6 hours travel worth a lovely funeral of a great person, a loving mom, a daughter, a grandchildren, a friend, a lovely person. She had been struggling with her cancer for 4 years and finally God gave her the best she could ever ask, to be by God’s side. Even on the last moment of her life, she faced it with a joyous heart praising the Lord. As many people admit in their last words on her funeral, she is an example of God’s grace until the moment of her death. She left 3 children that I hope will be a great person too like what their mother was.
It is interesting for me to found out that I always spent a lot of energy on these grieve occasions. I felt dried out and tired, not because I’m driving back and forth but more because of the event. Sitting there, watching almost everyone wore black, gloomy faces, sad spiritual songs, crying voices, all these things really had an effect for me. This makes me question myself, why do I feel these emotions? What do I feel about life and death? ….
Continue reading »
Posted by binsar on 15 Nov 2007 at 03:04 pm | Tagged as: Christianity, Reflection
– Cerita refleksi pengalaman Praktek di Panti Wreda Hanna, Jogyakarta
Pukul 03.17. Di tengah heningnya malam dan sunyinya suasana di Jogyakarta, suara langkah kaki suster yang membawakan air panas jatah mandi mulai terdengar.
Seorang suster masuk, sambil berbicara di telingaku, “Ayo Mak Sin… sudah pagi, airnya tak taruhke di kamar mandi ya….”
Ah… sudah pagi rupanya……,pikirku.
Tadi malam aku juga tidak bisa nyenyak tidurnya seperti malam-malam sebelumnya. Entah kenapa sekarang aku malah sering terbangun di tengah malam. Aku segera bangkit dari tempat tidurku. Kulihat Ibu Haryati masih tertidur. Biarkanlah, toh dia baru saja sembuh dari sakitnya. Ibu Sediani juga masih bermimpi rupanya. Lho, si Sum kemana?
Aku segera bergerak ke kamar mandi. Lebih baik mandi pagi-pagi supaya nanti tidak terlambat ikut ibadah, pikirku.
Selagi berjalan ke kamar mandi kulihat si Sum sudah berada di aula, tempat ibadah pagi.
Lho, ngapain dia di situ? Dasar edan, pagi-pagi kok sudah ‘mberesi bangku. Apa dia mau berebut menyusun bangku dengan Rika? Dasar sableng, pendatang baru tapi kerjanya sudah bikin ribut terus. Kerjanya kok dengki dan iri terus. Ah sudahlah… aku mau mandi saja….
………………
Nah kalau sudah mandi kan bisa seger begini. Yang lain di luar kelihatannya sudah bangun semua. Yang di kamar bagaimana ya.. Oh, Ibu Haryati sudah bangun rupanya. Ibu Sediani juga sudah ‘mberesin tempat tidurnya. Oh iya, aku mau berdoa pagi dulu. Hampir lali aku.
Continue reading »
Posted by binsar on 22 Nov 2007 at 07:12 pm | Tagged as: Christianity, Reflection
Ketika seseorang sedang menghadapi masa sulit, entah itu masalah kesehatan, keluarga, keuangan, studi, biasanya ibadah juga tidak akan dilewatkan. Ada beberapa lagu himne yang memang menjadi favorit untuk dinyanyikan karena melodi yang sangat tepat dengan keadaan kita dan juga syairnya. “Berserah kepada Yesus: tubuh, roh, dan jiwaku.” Lagu KJ. No. 364 ini sering terdengar dilantunkan oleh beberapa mahasiswa yang akan menghadapi ujian. Atau lagu dari buku Taize No. 37: “Tuhanlah kekuatanku,” juga menjadi lagu pilihan favorit menghadapi masa sulit.
Mungkin sedikit dari kita yang menyadari bahwa banyak lagu-lagu himne memang lahir pada saat-saat tertentu, bahkan pada saat sang penulis sedang mengalami masa paling sulit dalam hidupnya. Penyerahan diri yang total ketika menghadapi pencobaan juga telah menghasilkan inspirasi bagi banyak para penulis lagu-lagu himne. Meskipun pencobaan yang mereka hadapi pastilah berbeda dengan ‘pencobaan’ yang dihadapi oleh kita, namun pencobaan dan ujian yang dihadapi manusia seringkali telah membuat manusia menyerahkan dirinya secara total kepada Sang Pencipta. Dalam saat-saat seperti inilah banyak lagu-lagu himne, yang beberapa di antaranya akan dipaparkan di sini, diciptakan. Dalam kondisi penyerahan diri yang total tersebut, dan juga dalam kondisi setelah lepas dari ujian yang dihadapi, lantunan lagu dan syair mengalir untuk menyerahkan diri dan mengangkat syukur kepada-Nya.
Continue reading »
Posted by binsar on 29 Oct 2007 at 01:16 am | Tagged as: About Me, Reflection
I want to share a bit about why I am here and what is my purpose in life. I was born and raised as Christian. Before I was born, my dad had made a vow to God that he would give his first child to God as his servant. He did this as an act of gratitude of God’s grace. When I was a child I was happy to tell everyone that I want to be a pastor. But then when I was in high school I realized that being a pastor was not a cool dream. I was in a band (I played the lead guitar back then), partying, being the kind of person with so many friends, and to become a pastor is the least coolest thing I want to be. Then I had doubts about my future especially because I was thinking about pursuing other career, becoming a lawyer for instance. But then I realized that God always set the course in my life. God pulled me off whenever I tried to set my own course in life. When my band was about to sign a possible contract with some local clubs in Jakarta, I broke my arm in a motorbike accident. I couldn’t play the guitar for sometime. Then my cousin told me that I will not be able to play guitar as fast as I wanted anymore because one of the nerves on my arm was not working properly anymore. Then I had to decide to which college I have to go. I decided to go to theological seminary while taking the test for a state university. I passed both. But then somehow without hesitation I choose the theological seminary.
Continue reading »
Posted by binsar on 22 Jun 2007 | Tagged as: Reflection
I always think that life is about making a choice. It’s always either this or that, neither this nor that. You have to choose which high school will you go to after junior high, or which university/college will you attend? Will you rather hang-out with your friends or you will take your mom to a family meeting? Or will you continue your study or should you find a job first?
I often had that kind of dillemas. However, I would not like to share about any kind of tips or suggestion on how you make a decision.. rather I would like to say… be grateful for every dillemas you have.. be grateful for every choices you have to make, because you still have a choice… Think about those people who cannot choose what to eat because they don’t have the money to buy foods; or cannot choose where they should go because they are just not being able to move; or what kind of jobs to take because there is simply no vacant position for they’re lack of education.
Life is always about making choices. But be grateful, for you still have a choice… coz’ some don’t.
-mid may 2005
Posted by binsar on 22 Jun 2007 | Tagged as: Experience, Love, Reflection
Apa yang disebut dengan cinta? Apakah kita tahu apa cinta itu? Justru ketika kita merasa tahu apa cinta itu, di saat itulah kita sebenarnya tidak mengerti. Cinta tidak bisa dijelaskan, hanya bisa dirasakan. Cinta tidak buta, namun bisa membuat orang buta. Cinta tidak dapat dipelajari, hanya dapat dialami. Kita tidak akan tahu apa itu cinta, sampai merasa sakit untuk kehilangannya. Alamilah cinta dan cinta akan membuat anda mengalaminya. Cinta membuat orang bersatu, cinta dapat pula membuat orang berpisah.
Kadang-kadang, cinta bisa jadi sangat membingungkan. Terkadang kita ingin terus bersama dengan orang yang kita cintai. Ingin bersama, lepas dari orang lain yang ada di sekitar kita. Tetapi, hidup membuat kita tidak bisa mengesampingkan mereka yang selama ini ada di sekitar kita. Justru pertemuan dengan mereka dapat membuat cinta belajar. Persimpangan kehidupan dapat memperkokoh atau melemahkan cinta.
Jaring-jaring kehidupan yang membentuk dua sosok yang berbeda dapat mempertemukan mereka dalam sebuah kisah cinta. Tidak jarang, kisah cinta tersebut harus mengoyakkan diri, bukan karena jaring mereka tidak bisa menyatu, melainkan karena perbedaan dari lingkungan di mana mereka berdiri. Cinta tidak selamanya bisa bersatu. Cinta bisa dirasakan, namun bukan untuk dimiliki.
Kisah cinta yang dirajut di atas dasar yang kokoh, akan menjadi ikatan abadi. Namun, ada kalanya ikatan abadi itu harus memutuskan diri karena jarum, benang, dan sulaman yang dipakai akan roboh apabila rajutan tersebut tak terpisahkan lagi. Perbedaan yang dimiliki dua anak manusia membuat cinta hanya untuk dirasakan tetapi bukan untuk dimiliki.
Di saat seperti ini, lagunya John Lennon sepertinya sangat masuk akal. ‘Imagine there’s no heaven, and no religion too. Imagine there’s no country … imagine if you could…’ perbedaan yang tidak begitu besar namun mendasar… membuat cinta harus mengalah. Sanggupkah dua anak manusia yang saling mencinta untuk melepaskan kisahnya demi menjaga tembok-tembok yang ada di sekitarnya untuk tidak runtuh? Apa yang terjadi dengan percintaan yang ditentang oleh semua orang? Apakah yang terjadi dengan cinta? Kata siapa cinta bisa mengalahkan segalanya?
Sekarang, cinta harus mengalah demi cinta yang lain. Kenapa kepentingan orang banyak harus selalu didahulukan? Kenapa prinsip utilitarian harus mengalahkan intuisionis? Apakah kepentingan orang banyak harus membuat cinta mengalah? Kalau begitu apa sebenarnya cinta itu? Apakah cinta hanya dirasakan oleh dua insan yang merasakannya, atau mereka harus merelakan cintanya demi cinta-cinta lain yang ada di sekeliling mereka, yang membuat mereka harus kehilangan cintanya? Kenapa cinta bisa berbuat seperti itu? Apakah memang ada cinta yang tak boleh memiliki, dan ada cinta yang berakhir dengan bahagia selamanya? Kenapa cinta bisa seperti itu? Siapa yang mengontrol cinta? Siapa yang boleh menentukan cinta mana yang boleh berakhir bahagia dan mana yang tidak? Kenapa mereka diijinkan mengalami cinta kalau mereka memang tidak akan memilikinya? Kenapa?
– binsar, medio desember 2005 –
Posted by binsar on 22 Jun 2007 at 03:56 am | Tagged as: Experience, Reflection
I just got back from Lampung yesterday to give my last condolence and respect to a congregation member who passed away last saturday. The 6 hours travel worth a lovely funeral of a great person, a loving mom, a daughter, a grandchildren, a friend, a lovely person. She had been struggling with her cancer for 4 years and finally God gave her the best she could ever ask, to be by God’s side. Even on the last moment of her life, she faced it with a joyous heart praising the Lord. As many people admit in their last words on her funeral, she is an example of God’s grace until the moment of her death. She left 3 children that I hope will be a great person too like what their mother was.
It is interesting for me to found out that I always spent a lot of energy on these grieve occasions. I felt dried out and tired, not because I’m driving back and forth but more because of the event. Sitting there, watching almost everyone wore black, gloomy faces, sad spiritual songs, crying voices, all these things really had an effect for me. This makes me question myself, why do I feel these emotions? What do I feel about life and death? ….
Continue reading »
Posted by binsar on 21 Sep 2007 at 03:23 am | Tagged as: Love, Reflection
…love the one you’re with.”
That is a sentence of a song lyric called “Love the one you’re with” by Steven Stills (I prefer the hootie and the blowfish version). Well, I don’t like the song at all. Do you have to fight and give your best shot for love, or do you have to just let it go when you know that it’s impossible to do? This song often triggers that debate in my head.
I’ve been thinking about myself and what kind of relationship that I’m looking for. My good brother told me that he thinks I’m afraid of commitment. First I thought he must be joking because I’ve always been committed in all my past relationships. But then I remembered that most of the times I always came up with some funny patterns. Somehow I often got involved in difficult relationships.The funny thing is that I enjoyed it. Often, that relationship is so unthinkable that we knew someday we would broke up for some reasons. And when he told me those things, I was thinking that maybe, just maybe, I wanted to be in that relationship because I knew that it wont work anyway. But on the other hand, I can also see myself as a person who loves challenges in life. I kinda think I’m the later type.
Continue reading »
comments